i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
