id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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