You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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