Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
