dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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