Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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