two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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