thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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