Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
