there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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