I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
