i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
