It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let's get the cat blown out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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