I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
