Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
