just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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