He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
