I wish life had little blips of pornography
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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