We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
