i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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