What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
