He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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