i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
