this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
