I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This is my gift to your gina
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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