you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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