So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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