2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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