girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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