The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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