if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
