can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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