i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
