If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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