last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
