i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
