Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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