You smell like a Billy Joel song
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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