It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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