I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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