I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
