i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
