A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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