The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!