I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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