I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
