When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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