i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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