I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
the liver wants what the liver wants
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
