If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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