its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
