My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
