Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
your room smells of hookers.
And success
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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