dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
