Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
