it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
