I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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