using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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