I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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