Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
