Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
