By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you didnt know i had herpes?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
