I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
