dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
