I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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