Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
