erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
