1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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