Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
