my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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