were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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