i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
