I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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