His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's a naked man in my car right now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
