would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
