therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
