Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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