you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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