She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
