I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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