He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
