I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
