dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
